When Beccy asked me to write something for her site, I didn’t know where to start. How can you write about someone’s personal journey, then I thought I could just be honest and highlight how ill-informed I was about PND and clueless as to how to help.
In order to start this I think I need to share a bit about Beccy which will then highlight my completely misguided perception of PND. Beccy and I met because we were both signed up for a charity walk and were looking for walking/training buddies. We immediately hit it off on our many training walks and I quickly learned Beccy was extremely caring, giving, incredibly resourceful, practical and organised. So fast forward several years where training buddies became friends, Beccy told me she was pregnant, she was understandably ecstatic but she approached the subject with caution and compassion as she knew that we were struggling to conceive. A few months later I got to tell her I was pregnant, we were both so excited and as our pregnancies progressed it was very clear Beccy had everything together not only that, she was content, at peace and very much excited to be a mummy! She was also incredibly prepared and organised, it was Beccy who I asked for advice about all the baby products, she had researched everything and could give the pros and cons.
So then came my shock when getting the call from James (Beccy’s partner) to advise Beccy had admitted herself to hospital with PND, I was shocked and I had no idea what I could do to help. Beccy had asked that we don’t contact her and she would be in touch when she could, so I did as requested….I don’t know to this day if that was the right thing! Could I have done more…quite possibly, Did I have a clue what I could do – absolutely not!
First misconception - I admit it I assumed PND happened to those who had a history of depression, or those who hadn’t necessarily planned to be a mum, or those who didn’t have a support structure around them etc etc etc…..not someone who planned and thrived in pregnancy and particularly not one of the strongest most together people I knew.
Later came the second misconception - This is not what I preconceived PND to be, I assumed that the depression would show itself as not being able, or so overwhelmed that you couldn’t look after your baby. Beccy always put Zachary first, his care was her priority from day one not only that but during her recovery, whilst at in the hospital she decorated the unit for Christmas and she asked James to bring in snacks for the other patients for movie night. Even in her hardest times she still had compassion for others!
Having done NCT classes and Hypnobirthing and whilst all of them were great and prepared you for labour not once was PND discussed, no guidance on what to look for, what your partner should look for, where to get help or how you can help a fellow mum/friend with PND. That’s Beccy’s goal to raise awareness and guide people and family members to get the right help and support.
My understanding of PND is still growing and I am keen to learn more and help Beccy spread the word anyway I can. Perhaps I couldn’t have helped prior to or after she admitted herself to the hospital but I will do whatever I can now.
DS, Close Friend